Alien versus Predator – Requiem, Unrated Edition (AVP-R, UR) 1/5
I don’t know what pains me worse, to give this movie a 1 out of 5, or to watch the movie.
The synopsis is brief. At the end of Alien vs. Predator, an alien got on the predator ship and laid an egg in a predator. This movie picks up there. The egg hatches and the resulting predalienor kills all of the predators on the ship and the ship crashes in, I believe, Colorado. The alien kills some hunters, goes to the sewers and wreaks havoc. The predator home planet becomes aware that the ship has crashed and send a predator out to investigate. Predators and aliens fight. Humans die. Humans try and fight back…spoiler (which won’t be any surprise if you have seen any of the other movies in these franchises): There’s a big explosion to destroy all the extraterrestrials and a bunch of people die, but some people survive and then at the end there’s foreshadowing of another movie.
I have always been a huge fan of both the Aliens series and the Predator series. I had the toys. I read the Batman vs. Predator graphic novels (5/5, but I haven’t read them in a couple of years). I bought all the movies in the series (despite the fact that I have huge reservations with the boxed set being called the Alien “Quadrilogy” instead of Tetralogy (or Legacy, even)) (I also haven’t watched Alien Resurrection because I have some issues with the premise, but it’s a moot point because I paid for it). Alien vs. Predator was a solid action flick where you cared about the characters and had some investment in them. The icing on the cherry for that movie was, of course, Lance Henriksen, who makes everything good.
AVP-R made me ill. Physically ill. I don’t know that it’s fair to say that because I did last watch it on my iPod while working out, but I also became ill when I saw it in theaters (that’s right, I saw it in theaters and still bought it…I have to complete a collection, don’t I?). I am not one to cringe at movie violence. I thoroughly enjoyed Sin City, I can watch an injection on House M.D. and only slightly cringe, but this movie was disgusting. Definitely the bloodiest and least subtle of the entire set, and the worst part is that there was no apocalypse (in the literal sense). The curtain was never pulled back, we never saw the beasts in their full glory, which, in this age of C.G., is a travesty.
The entire movie was under-lit and over-bloody. The characters were made out of balsa wood (thin and stiff). The plot was like meringue and fell apart under the slightest pressure (which is no small feat, as the other movies had some pretty weak plots…in AVP, they tell us that the predators taught humans how to build temples and pyramids…really?!). There is no investment in the human heroes and at the end, you kinda hope they all die.
The low point was when the aliens invaded the maternity ward, it was graphic, disgusting, and, somehow, laughable.
The high point was actually the very end, the foreshadowing of the next movie. It looks like the villain could be a human, which could lead to some interesting plot twists. However, I of course have to have the unflappable optimism of a fan. Realistically, the next one is going to be as bad or worse.
Overall: Skipples. The only reason you should watch this movie is if you feel there will be a gaping hole in you Alien/Predator knowledge if you miss it. Or if you want to appreciate the first six movies more (again, I don’t count Alien Resurrection). 1/5 a netflix rating of “I hated it.”
May 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm
These must be the singularly disgusting toys I unearthed in your closet when someone I’m working with came by with her beautiful 3-year-old son. His first question (as yours used to be in similar situatations) was, “Do you have any toys?”
Well, as a matter of fact, I did. A whole tub of things with claws, fangs, scaly skin, and the ability to fire projectiles or raise hidden spines or butt their rough and unattractive heads at you.
He was delighted. Possibly even thought them cute. He showed them all, and their violent extra features, to his mother and me, and amused himself pretty well while we talked business. I told him I would tell you that he enjoyed playing with your toys. Now I have.
Can’t believe I could have bought you such horrible-looking things, but they were part of the wonder of the world to him, that complete wonder that three-year-olds have.